Is your child truly gifted, or are you just one of those pushy, "stage mother" types who thinks his or her bright child is really a genius? "Parents' observations of their own child's gifts or special talents are the greatest indicator," says Linda Kreger Silverman, who is director of the Gifted Development Center in Denver. "If your child's teacher says your child isn't gifted, and you feel certain that he or she is, seek testing. Of the 3,000 or so children we've seen at the center, 84 percent of the parents who thought their child was gifted were right; and 95 percent had a child gifted in some area, even if their total IQ did not fall into the gifted range."

Mary Edwards of Denver says having gifted children is "a wonderful and amazing world. I have a 12-, 9- and 4-year-old, all gifted; each one is unique. In many ways, it's like any other parenting." The term "gifted" is applied, generally, to people with an IQ of 130 or higher. That, in turn, is broken down into subcategories of "moderately gifted" (130-144 IQ), "highly gifted" (145-160) and "profoundly gifted" (161 or higher.) Because most media images of giftedness are at the profoundly gifted extreme (think "Good Will Hunting"), many parents who suspect their child may be exceptional dismiss the idea because little Johnny or Susie isn't playing Mozart concertos at 4 or working on integral calculus in 1st grade.

Parents of gifted kids are often gifted themselves, so they tend to think their child is not different from other children. (More than 2.5 million children, or 2 percent of the total number of children in the U.S., have been identified as gifted.) The Institute for Behavioral Genetics at the University of Colorado has identified the genetic markers related to giftedness, and there have been numerous articles in Scientific American on the subject. Thus, if the parents are exceptional, having children who are highly intelligent is the norm -- for their household, anyway.

Here's the catch when it comes to giftedness: It's well known that children's early development sets them on the path for future learning. Educational psychologist Maurice Fisher, publisher and owner of Gifted Education Press of Manassas, Va., says, "All the research evidence that I have read about the human brain shows that if infants don't get proper stimulation at an early age, their brains don't develop properly. This is true in humans; it's also true in lower animals, as shown in controlled scientific studies. "If the gifted child is not stimulated in infancy, preschool and early elementary education," Fisher says, "they lose their potential. If we don't pay enough attention at ages 3, 4 and 5, which are critical periods to develop their brains to their maximum ability, they will lose their giftedness because they are not challenged and nurtured by their families and/or schools."

Meanwhile, most public schools that have gifted programs don't start with students until around 4th grade, which is past this critical period. Some gifted children begin school just like every other child, when they're 5. That's when the trouble can start. By definition, giftedness is "out-of-step" development. That is, intellectual, physical and emotional development occurs at different rates -- higher, faster growth that's out of sync with the norm. So a child who is 5 years old may read at a 10-year-old level, understand math at a 7-year-old level, and be socially adept at a 4-year-old level.

In her book "Counseling the Gifted and Talented" (Love Publishing, $45), Silverman points out that gifted children are two standard deviations from the norm, or the top 2 percent of the population, just like those children who comprise the lower 2 percent of the population. Because public schools are set up to attend to the needs of those in the middle, Silverman writes in her book, those children on either end of the spectrum are left outside. Gifted children have tremendous difficulty learning within the structure of a "normal" classroom, she writes; they require special education in order to meet their unique way -- and speed -- of learning.

Elizabeth Meckstroth is author of several books on giftedness, including "Guiding the Gifted Child" (with J. T. Webb and Stephanie S. Tolan; Columbus Ohio Psychology Publishing, $18) and "Teaching Young Gifted Children in the Regular Classroom" (with Joan Franklin Smutny and Sally Yahnke Walker; Free Spirit Publishing, $12.95). Meckstroth used this analogy: "If we were TV sets, some of us would only get five channels. Others are wired for cable -- the general population -- and some of us (the gifted) are hooked up to a satellite dish. That makes these gifted children capable of making connections that others don't even know exist! "Teaching those types of voracious minds in a regular classroom without enhancement is like feeding an elephant one blade of grass at time. You'll starve them."

Edwards' experience with her three children has convinced her that gifted kids seek stimulation. "One of the most common misconceptions," she says, "is that the parents are pushing the child. In my household, my children are dragging me through the muck and mud, and I have to struggle to keep up with them. I spend an average of three hours a day driving the three of them to and from school and sports activities. They basically choose their own interests -- passions, really. If my children aren't challenged, their behavior deteriorates. Their minds have to be occupied at a high level for all our lives to run smoothly."

There are factors that may hide or "mask" giftedness in a child, particularly when the parents and/or teachers don't know what to look for or when learning disabilities and giftedness exist within the same child. Those children are considered "twice exceptional" and can languish in a public school setting without the proper identification and support, says Meckstroth. Experts point out that gifted children can have an enhanced nervous system, which translates into a boundless supply of curiosity and physical energy. According to Meckstroth, it's a common mistake to assume a child like this is hyperactive. She says most gifted children who are misdiagnosed with ADD (attention deficit disorder) or ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) are those high-energy, high intensity, brilliant young children who are expected to sit still in a traditional classroom and listen to information they already know.

Some ways to tell whether your child is hyperactive or merely in need of intellectual stimulation? In Silverman's book "Counseling the Gifted and Talented," she writes, "Hyperactive children tend to lack voluntary control of attention and behavior, such as interrupting and then losing the thread of the conversation. Gifted children who are high in psychomotor energy are simply very active, with few other symptoms of hyperactivity. They are capable of focused attention and intense concentration when they are interested; aimless activity seems to occur most often when there is insufficient mental stimulation."

Surviving on less sleep than their “normal” counterparts, gifted children are capable of multiple focusing (watching TV, talking on the phone and doing their homework), and in fact may find working on one task at a time more difficult than "multiplexing." As Meckstroth puts it, "It's like asking them to nail Jell-O to a tree -- these children need more to sink their teeth into than one simple task at one time."

In many cases, parents of these children suspect giftedness long before kindergarten. Joan Franklin Smutny, director of the Center for Gifted at National Louis University in Evanston, says these are some of the early signs of giftedness in preschoolers:

Friday-Sept. 26: The Second Annual Annemarie Roeper Symposium on the Intricate World of the Gifted Individual, offered by the College of Continuing Studies at Kent State University, is entitled "Exploring Psychological Approaches to Understanding the Gifted Self." DoubleTree Guest Suites, Glenview, IL 60025. Registration and information: 330-672-3100.

Oct. 23: The Center for Talent Development at Northwestern University presents a morning conference on "Activating Potential: Developing Your Child's Talent" for preschool through 4th-grade children, their families and educators. Norris University Center on the Northwestern campus in Evanston. Registration and information: 847-491-7879.

Gifted Development Center, (testing, parent advocacy, mediation, home-schooling, enrichment, networking, teacher training, parent groups, teen support groups, counseling) 1452 Marion St., Denver, CO 80218; 888-443-8331; www.gifteddevelopment.com